Think, Love, and communicate
Each of us will meet someone more handsome or beautiful than the one we're with. We will be treated extra special by somebody or we may feel more "kilig" by this person ....always look back to why you chose this person over other people?
If we focus hard enough we get 2 choices. One, the person with us right now is really the one we love, in which case, any temptations will die a natural death. Or this NEW person is really a lot better for us, in which case, hello new relationship.
How do we focus?
Think with our head. Look back into our memories, our letters, our past experiences together and weigh things. We may even find a stalemate, there are some qualities in each we cannot live without. This makes it harder for us to choose. How do we choose between 2 good things ? We look into ourselves which is more important to us, which will make us a better person, which will make us love more, which will not hurt.
"Ang thoughtful niya, yung isa naman masipag. Gusto ng pamilya ko siya, ako gusto ko yung isa. Parehong pareho sila kaya nagustuhan ko." (He's so thoughtful while the other is so hardworking. My family loves him, but I love the other. They are so alike that's why I like both of them).
Loving they say is not a feeling. I believe it is a way of thinking. There is always a reason why we love. We love because, we just do is still a reason. The important thing is we are committed to that thinking.
"Nagdesisyon akong mahalin siya kahit may karamdaman siya. Mahal ko siya kahit ayaw ng pamilya ko sa kanya. Maligaya akong mahalin siya." (I decided to love her even if she is sick. I love him even if my family doesn't like him for me. I am happy loving her).
Attraction is a feeling. It wakes up certain hormones, juices in us that somehow makes our mind into a mold of jello - all mixed up. This is what puts most of us in trouble. We get attracted easily and fast.
"Ang ganda/guwapo niya. Ang bait bait niya sa akin.(he's so handsome. He' s so nice to me). He makes me feel extra special. He is sooooo thoughtful and sensitive."
So when that other person comes, better be sure you can tell the difference if you are attracted or you love.
Sometimes thinking by ourselves is very hard. This is where we choose to talk to the person, to people who can give us good advice (our friends, parents, family). But I think the best person to talk to is THE ONE we are with. But in talking to him/her, please avoid putting the blame on him and what he lacks to justify what we feel. Be honest and truthful to ourself most of all. Believe in what we feel and what we think.
Huwag (Don't say): "Nararamdaman kong may iba ka nang minamahal." (I feel you love another)
Dapat (Should say): "Nararamdaman kong napapaisip akong tumingin sa ibang tao at maghanap. Pag-usapan natin bakit kaya ganun?" (I find myself getting attracted to other people. Let's talk about it)
Huwag (Don't say): "Puro na lang pamilya mo ang una paano na tayong 2?" (How come it's always your family first before us?)
Dapat (Should say): " Nakikita ko sa ating dalawa na iba na tayong makitungo sa isa't isa." (I notice we are indifferent to each other, what's happening to us?)
Huwag (Don't say): "Sabihin mo lang sa akin kung ayaw mo na." (Just tell me you want out of this relationship)
Dapat (Should say): "Parang ayaw ko na, gusto kong intindihin paano nagkaganito." (I'd like to understand why I feel I want out of this relationship)
Some falter and mistake attraction for love. We cry, realize, accept our weakness and then stand up to love again. Yes we err, we are human after all.
Surviving long distance love is possible. It is difficult. We may fall hard. But if the heavens have put you together, again or otherwise, we all survive somehow, someway.
I did. So will you.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Lovetcetera is born!
I used to keep all my blogs under my "favoritequeendom" blog (http://favoritequeendom.blogspot.com/) until I realized that my life is a lot like gym lockers in a row. Snippets of my life have to be put in a special box for each memory to be cherished at a special moment.
One topic that seems to always come up is that of loving and relationships. As a friend, I have always been run to for comments, opinions and advice that my name "TM" (Tita Melly) is starting to feel appropriate. Some people perhaps have that aura of "hey I feel like pouring myself into this person", I may have that.
I don't really feel any special powers for this but perhaps I can say that I listen well. I firmly believe that every person really does know what to do in every situation but it's just the choices that drive them crazy. Plus, with the very fast times, decisions have to be made in a split of a sec. Uhhhhh....pressure....even for loving???!!!!
So here is my blog open to anyone who wants to share as I do...and even ask what I think...about anything under love and people loving (or not loving :-( ).
I better start off with sharing about myself....next!
One topic that seems to always come up is that of loving and relationships. As a friend, I have always been run to for comments, opinions and advice that my name "TM" (Tita Melly) is starting to feel appropriate. Some people perhaps have that aura of "hey I feel like pouring myself into this person", I may have that.
I don't really feel any special powers for this but perhaps I can say that I listen well. I firmly believe that every person really does know what to do in every situation but it's just the choices that drive them crazy. Plus, with the very fast times, decisions have to be made in a split of a sec. Uhhhhh....pressure....even for loving???!!!!
So here is my blog open to anyone who wants to share as I do...and even ask what I think...about anything under love and people loving (or not loving :-( ).
I better start off with sharing about myself....next!
loving the idea of loving
carlo told me one day, i think with hangin, you only loved the idea of loving but did not really love the person.
this is the 2nd time i have been accused of such and by 2 people thousands of miles apart.
it may be true but it shakes me to feel that if there is truth in what they say about me, then would that mean i have never really been truly in love?
37 and never been in love.
i alwayd asked hangin before, how did you know it was me? he said it just is. so you just know without understanding why?
they also say loving someone is like that, you just do. no need to question why also.
naawa naman ako sa sarili ko.
so loving the idea of loving and hoping you would get to love the person along the way is not the way actually?
we must love the person for who he is, accept him for what he is.
well i guess i tried to love the idea and the person but they were just 2 different things ....irreconcilable.
nakakalungkot.
this is the 2nd time i have been accused of such and by 2 people thousands of miles apart.
it may be true but it shakes me to feel that if there is truth in what they say about me, then would that mean i have never really been truly in love?
37 and never been in love.
i alwayd asked hangin before, how did you know it was me? he said it just is. so you just know without understanding why?
they also say loving someone is like that, you just do. no need to question why also.
naawa naman ako sa sarili ko.
so loving the idea of loving and hoping you would get to love the person along the way is not the way actually?
we must love the person for who he is, accept him for what he is.
well i guess i tried to love the idea and the person but they were just 2 different things ....irreconcilable.
nakakalungkot.
instant soulmate trap checklist
1. Listen to your gut reactions. If it feels too good to be true, slow down.
2. Remember that being intimate causes emotions to rise to the surface- the deeper you walk into a relationship, the greater your potential for getting hurt.
3. If you have a history of "instant relationships" you're likely to be a magnet for this type of relationship in the future. recognize when you're headed in this direction.
4. It's important to get in touch with your own relationship goals, and your true feelings about meeting your soul mate. For many people as they begin to feel less confident about finding love, the more likely they are to be attracted to an "instant partner."
5. Remember that fear is a powerful motivator. If your fears about not finding love are in control or even directing your behavior, then you may be acting in ways that will deter you from finding love
tere, be rest assured that i am discerning well here's my proof.
2. Remember that being intimate causes emotions to rise to the surface- the deeper you walk into a relationship, the greater your potential for getting hurt.
3. If you have a history of "instant relationships" you're likely to be a magnet for this type of relationship in the future. recognize when you're headed in this direction.
4. It's important to get in touch with your own relationship goals, and your true feelings about meeting your soul mate. For many people as they begin to feel less confident about finding love, the more likely they are to be attracted to an "instant partner."
5. Remember that fear is a powerful motivator. If your fears about not finding love are in control or even directing your behavior, then you may be acting in ways that will deter you from finding love
tere, be rest assured that i am discerning well here's my proof.
conspicuous Industriousness
"Conspicuous industriousness" is fancy talk for chasing your own tail. This is the habit of rushing around frantically and feeling quite noble even when you go nowhere fast. Equipped with cell phones, beepers, and handheld computers, the "conspicuously industrious" blur the line between home and office by working anytime, anywhere. Always on call, they make a perverse case for the argument that work isn't a part of life, but rather that life is a part of work. They embody the new twenty-first century ideal--"I work, therefore I am."And whether they know it or not, they are competitors in the rat race. Constantly busy, moving at breakneck speed, they wake, work, earn, spend, shovel down food, and collapse--only to begin the same vicious cycle over again the next day.
Never knowing which end is up, they live according to the "Rules of the Rat Race," an unwritten code of conduct that says you should:
1. Bite off more than you can chew.
2. Act as if enough is never enough.
3. Chase your tail and run to stand still.
4. View life as a part of work, instead of work as a part of life.
5. Acknowledge that some rats are more equal than others.
why?
where has the world gone to?
a good checklist to turn to whenever i feel 24 hours of the day is never enough.
the only weapon to this is rest and sleep... something which i will do now....and always from hereon.
love myself from hereon.
Never knowing which end is up, they live according to the "Rules of the Rat Race," an unwritten code of conduct that says you should:
1. Bite off more than you can chew.
2. Act as if enough is never enough.
3. Chase your tail and run to stand still.
4. View life as a part of work, instead of work as a part of life.
5. Acknowledge that some rats are more equal than others.
why?
where has the world gone to?
a good checklist to turn to whenever i feel 24 hours of the day is never enough.
the only weapon to this is rest and sleep... something which i will do now....and always from hereon.
love myself from hereon.
Love & Let Love (July 21, 1006)
well, i have decided to love again.
i was asked, do you really love a person or just the idea of loving someone?
i answered, both. should loving have only one of the reasons above?
is the mere idea of loving someone wrong? if it is, why?
1. because you put yourself at the risk of getting hurt?
mother teresa says, " i have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
i feel that if i do get hurt, i will have no regrets because i loved and it is just unfortunate that the love for me, did not choose to stay in another person.
sad but it should not stop me from deciding to love again.
2. because you are just wasting time on the person.
how can loving a person be wasteful?
you spend time with a person showing him how you care. make him feel special. make him feel good about himself. Inspire him to be more than he can be. make him smile and put him in a happy place. That's not bad at all.
i have spent countless overtime and much money to be able to buy a mobile phone to put me in a happy place. but i tell you, it does not give me as much satisfaction as sharing love to someone.
this doesn't stop me from deciding to love again.
3. what if the right person comes and you are attached then what now?
we are where we are meant to be. That is where our faith and trust in the Lord will come in.
in the big picture of life, everything happens for the perfect reason and just the right time all beyond our understanding because we do not hold our life in our palm... our life is in God's hands. God only asks of us to have faith, trust and be patient with life's mysteries.
if i think he is the right person for me, then i will pray for guidance on what to do, given i am loving another still. lift all to God....that's my answer to "what now?"
this doesn't stop me from deciding to love again.
4. it is best to love the person than the idea.
in both loving the person and the idea, i both share of myself in the truest sense.
it only goes bad when the person i give it to does not give it back. even the rejection is not wrong, yes it does make me feel terribly bad but.... its the truth so i must accept....and move on.
i guess the fear of people that i love again stems from their genuine concern for my own well being. But isn't it i survived a love story that's gone bad? I have gone up and moved on...to love again.
Cant you be happy for me because apart from all, i still hope that true love comes my way.
hope is the last thing we should never lose. then it is, i hope to love truly again.
i was asked, do you really love a person or just the idea of loving someone?
i answered, both. should loving have only one of the reasons above?
is the mere idea of loving someone wrong? if it is, why?
1. because you put yourself at the risk of getting hurt?
mother teresa says, " i have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
i feel that if i do get hurt, i will have no regrets because i loved and it is just unfortunate that the love for me, did not choose to stay in another person.
sad but it should not stop me from deciding to love again.
2. because you are just wasting time on the person.
how can loving a person be wasteful?
you spend time with a person showing him how you care. make him feel special. make him feel good about himself. Inspire him to be more than he can be. make him smile and put him in a happy place. That's not bad at all.
i have spent countless overtime and much money to be able to buy a mobile phone to put me in a happy place. but i tell you, it does not give me as much satisfaction as sharing love to someone.
this doesn't stop me from deciding to love again.
3. what if the right person comes and you are attached then what now?
we are where we are meant to be. That is where our faith and trust in the Lord will come in.
in the big picture of life, everything happens for the perfect reason and just the right time all beyond our understanding because we do not hold our life in our palm... our life is in God's hands. God only asks of us to have faith, trust and be patient with life's mysteries.
if i think he is the right person for me, then i will pray for guidance on what to do, given i am loving another still. lift all to God....that's my answer to "what now?"
this doesn't stop me from deciding to love again.
4. it is best to love the person than the idea.
in both loving the person and the idea, i both share of myself in the truest sense.
it only goes bad when the person i give it to does not give it back. even the rejection is not wrong, yes it does make me feel terribly bad but.... its the truth so i must accept....and move on.
i guess the fear of people that i love again stems from their genuine concern for my own well being. But isn't it i survived a love story that's gone bad? I have gone up and moved on...to love again.
Cant you be happy for me because apart from all, i still hope that true love comes my way.
hope is the last thing we should never lose. then it is, i hope to love truly again.
Hangin
Aking hangin
nararamdaman kapag nagpaparamdam
kasiglahan ng katawan ang dulot kapag nasa kapaligiran. Iwas pawis, luha ng katawan.
kasiyahan ng loob dulot mo hangin. Napapalipad ng tuluyan ang saranggola ng buhay.
ang isip malinaw kapag biyaya'y katamtamang lamig.
mahalaga ang hangin, minamahal ng tunay.
ngunit bakit nagbago ang ihip, unti unting nawala?
para ba paramdamin ang halaga ng hangin?
o para bang tuluyang pumanaw na?
hirap isiping hindi mahalin ang hangin
walang rason.
ngunit pag nahihirapan akong mahalin ito, kailangan ding intindihin
di matiwasay ang katawan, isip at damdamin
sapagkat kulang ang pagpaparamdam
wala na bang ilalakas pa ang hanging di gaanong maramdaman?
di ba nais ng hanging intindihin aking pangangailangang isip at damdamin?
sanay mainitindihan mo hangin, ang tindi ng pangangailangn sa yo.
Pinutol at nagalit pagkat may ibang simoy ang dumating
hinanap ng hinanap, walang humpay, nasaan ang hanging dati'y akin?
kelan kaya maiisip na kaw pa rin ang hanap ng isip at damdamin?
ah...di nagpaalam at naglaho, marahil may iba nang pinararamdaman.
ang isip at damdamin, di mapalagay, magpaparamdam bang uli at babalik o pansamantalang darating upang magpaalam?
heto naghihintay sa initan ng disyerto....hirap ang isip, puso't damdamin.
sabi ko dati'y walang rason para di mahalin ang hangin....
ako'y napaisip, bakit nga ba ako nababalisa
tunay ngang mahirap ....oo nga pala....kapag hangi’y kinitil
lahat ng kapaligiran titigil sa paggalaw
saranggola'y di maipapalipad,
akong nasa initan di matitiis ang matinding pawis
wala ng saranggola, nalugmok pa sa loob ng bahay
di alam ang gagawin...malungkot nagtatanong....bakit walang hangin?
sabi ng ina, intindihin anak di lahat ng araw may simoy ng hangin, darating din yan, wag magmadali, humunos dili
naghintay, inintindi, nangarap na may bukas pa....pag-asang saranggola'y lilipad muli
sasayang muli
ngunit napaisip ako, aantayin pa ba ang hangin o di kaya'y baguhin ang saranggolang di na aasa sa hangin?
nais lamang sanang sumaya muli...makalabas na tumatakbong salubungin ang hangin, lapat ang saranggola sa dibdib
tanggap ba kung pagkait na tuluyan ang hanap na hangin?
malungkot na malungkot na tatanggapin dahil sa nakasanayang simoy akala'y wagas.... yun pala'y.....may hangganan rin
tanong sa sarili'y pimahalagahan ba ng wasto ang biyayang hangin nang ito'y sumisimoy pa?
di bagat sabay naming pinalipad ang saranggola? mayroon bang ibang pagpapahalagang hihigit pa?
tanong ni ina, bat nagsungit ang hangin, anak?
marahil ina, sabi ko kasi'y, "lakasan mo pa! Hina mo naman ! "
nang di na malaksan, pinilit ko pa, sabi ko'y bat ako kinakaya pa?
Sagot ng hangi’y, labada ni ina aking tinutuyo, sabay tulak sa ating saranggolang papalayo.
Ako’y nag-isip, hangi’y tama sa pagpapahalaga,
Huwag pilitin ibahin ang pakay ng hanging
Pagsilbihan pati ina’t saranggola’y paliparin.
Wika ko’y sige hangin, pangangailangan ni ina muna’y tuparin
Akin munang itatago ang saranggolang , balang araw, lilipad rin.
Ako kaya, mahalaga kaya sa hangin?
O di kaya’y panandaliang pangangailangan lamang upang layuning itupad
Saranggola’y matayog na lumipad ?
Nakita ko ang pagpapahalaga sa ina, ba’t sa aki’y di ganoon ang wika.
Sabi mo’y intindi mo ang magkalayo, di mo pababayaan….parati mararamdaman
Ngunit bakit nang humingi ng pagpaparamdam, lalong pinagkait?
Bakit ayaw isiping kulang ang aking hanging nalalanghap?
Ang init na, init ng ulo, ng katawan….naisip kong marahil
Hangi’y di na ako mahal, pagkat pagpapahalaga sa ki’y kinalimutan na
Kung mag-isip mang maghanap ng ibang simoy, masisisi ba ?
Ipinaglalabang hanapin ang dati’y atin ngunit nasaan ka…aking katuwang?
May katuwang na bang iba? Mas matayaog ba ang lipad ng inyong bagong saranggola?
Akala ko’y wika’y walang iwanan sa dilim....wari’y ko’y pati ito’y limot na rin.
Paalam hangin.
nararamdaman kapag nagpaparamdam
kasiglahan ng katawan ang dulot kapag nasa kapaligiran. Iwas pawis, luha ng katawan.
kasiyahan ng loob dulot mo hangin. Napapalipad ng tuluyan ang saranggola ng buhay.
ang isip malinaw kapag biyaya'y katamtamang lamig.
mahalaga ang hangin, minamahal ng tunay.
ngunit bakit nagbago ang ihip, unti unting nawala?
para ba paramdamin ang halaga ng hangin?
o para bang tuluyang pumanaw na?
hirap isiping hindi mahalin ang hangin
walang rason.
ngunit pag nahihirapan akong mahalin ito, kailangan ding intindihin
di matiwasay ang katawan, isip at damdamin
sapagkat kulang ang pagpaparamdam
wala na bang ilalakas pa ang hanging di gaanong maramdaman?
di ba nais ng hanging intindihin aking pangangailangang isip at damdamin?
sanay mainitindihan mo hangin, ang tindi ng pangangailangn sa yo.
Pinutol at nagalit pagkat may ibang simoy ang dumating
hinanap ng hinanap, walang humpay, nasaan ang hanging dati'y akin?
kelan kaya maiisip na kaw pa rin ang hanap ng isip at damdamin?
ah...di nagpaalam at naglaho, marahil may iba nang pinararamdaman.
ang isip at damdamin, di mapalagay, magpaparamdam bang uli at babalik o pansamantalang darating upang magpaalam?
heto naghihintay sa initan ng disyerto....hirap ang isip, puso't damdamin.
sabi ko dati'y walang rason para di mahalin ang hangin....
ako'y napaisip, bakit nga ba ako nababalisa
tunay ngang mahirap ....oo nga pala....kapag hangi’y kinitil
lahat ng kapaligiran titigil sa paggalaw
saranggola'y di maipapalipad,
akong nasa initan di matitiis ang matinding pawis
wala ng saranggola, nalugmok pa sa loob ng bahay
di alam ang gagawin...malungkot nagtatanong....bakit walang hangin?
sabi ng ina, intindihin anak di lahat ng araw may simoy ng hangin, darating din yan, wag magmadali, humunos dili
naghintay, inintindi, nangarap na may bukas pa....pag-asang saranggola'y lilipad muli
sasayang muli
ngunit napaisip ako, aantayin pa ba ang hangin o di kaya'y baguhin ang saranggolang di na aasa sa hangin?
nais lamang sanang sumaya muli...makalabas na tumatakbong salubungin ang hangin, lapat ang saranggola sa dibdib
tanggap ba kung pagkait na tuluyan ang hanap na hangin?
malungkot na malungkot na tatanggapin dahil sa nakasanayang simoy akala'y wagas.... yun pala'y.....may hangganan rin
tanong sa sarili'y pimahalagahan ba ng wasto ang biyayang hangin nang ito'y sumisimoy pa?
di bagat sabay naming pinalipad ang saranggola? mayroon bang ibang pagpapahalagang hihigit pa?
tanong ni ina, bat nagsungit ang hangin, anak?
marahil ina, sabi ko kasi'y, "lakasan mo pa! Hina mo naman ! "
nang di na malaksan, pinilit ko pa, sabi ko'y bat ako kinakaya pa?
Sagot ng hangi’y, labada ni ina aking tinutuyo, sabay tulak sa ating saranggolang papalayo.
Ako’y nag-isip, hangi’y tama sa pagpapahalaga,
Huwag pilitin ibahin ang pakay ng hanging
Pagsilbihan pati ina’t saranggola’y paliparin.
Wika ko’y sige hangin, pangangailangan ni ina muna’y tuparin
Akin munang itatago ang saranggolang , balang araw, lilipad rin.
Ako kaya, mahalaga kaya sa hangin?
O di kaya’y panandaliang pangangailangan lamang upang layuning itupad
Saranggola’y matayog na lumipad ?
Nakita ko ang pagpapahalaga sa ina, ba’t sa aki’y di ganoon ang wika.
Sabi mo’y intindi mo ang magkalayo, di mo pababayaan….parati mararamdaman
Ngunit bakit nang humingi ng pagpaparamdam, lalong pinagkait?
Bakit ayaw isiping kulang ang aking hanging nalalanghap?
Ang init na, init ng ulo, ng katawan….naisip kong marahil
Hangi’y di na ako mahal, pagkat pagpapahalaga sa ki’y kinalimutan na
Kung mag-isip mang maghanap ng ibang simoy, masisisi ba ?
Ipinaglalabang hanapin ang dati’y atin ngunit nasaan ka…aking katuwang?
May katuwang na bang iba? Mas matayaog ba ang lipad ng inyong bagong saranggola?
Akala ko’y wika’y walang iwanan sa dilim....wari’y ko’y pati ito’y limot na rin.
Paalam hangin.
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