Think, Love, and communicate
Each of us will meet someone more handsome or beautiful than the one we're with. We will be treated extra special by somebody or we may feel more "kilig" by this person ....always look back to why you chose this person over other people?
If we focus hard enough we get 2 choices. One, the person with us right now is really the one we love, in which case, any temptations will die a natural death. Or this NEW person is really a lot better for us, in which case, hello new relationship.
How do we focus?
Think with our head. Look back into our memories, our letters, our past experiences together and weigh things. We may even find a stalemate, there are some qualities in each we cannot live without. This makes it harder for us to choose. How do we choose between 2 good things ? We look into ourselves which is more important to us, which will make us a better person, which will make us love more, which will not hurt.
"Ang thoughtful niya, yung isa naman masipag. Gusto ng pamilya ko siya, ako gusto ko yung isa. Parehong pareho sila kaya nagustuhan ko." (He's so thoughtful while the other is so hardworking. My family loves him, but I love the other. They are so alike that's why I like both of them).
Loving they say is not a feeling. I believe it is a way of thinking. There is always a reason why we love. We love because, we just do is still a reason. The important thing is we are committed to that thinking.
"Nagdesisyon akong mahalin siya kahit may karamdaman siya. Mahal ko siya kahit ayaw ng pamilya ko sa kanya. Maligaya akong mahalin siya." (I decided to love her even if she is sick. I love him even if my family doesn't like him for me. I am happy loving her).
Attraction is a feeling. It wakes up certain hormones, juices in us that somehow makes our mind into a mold of jello - all mixed up. This is what puts most of us in trouble. We get attracted easily and fast.
"Ang ganda/guwapo niya. Ang bait bait niya sa akin.(he's so handsome. He' s so nice to me). He makes me feel extra special. He is sooooo thoughtful and sensitive."
So when that other person comes, better be sure you can tell the difference if you are attracted or you love.
Sometimes thinking by ourselves is very hard. This is where we choose to talk to the person, to people who can give us good advice (our friends, parents, family). But I think the best person to talk to is THE ONE we are with. But in talking to him/her, please avoid putting the blame on him and what he lacks to justify what we feel. Be honest and truthful to ourself most of all. Believe in what we feel and what we think.
Huwag (Don't say): "Nararamdaman kong may iba ka nang minamahal." (I feel you love another)
Dapat (Should say): "Nararamdaman kong napapaisip akong tumingin sa ibang tao at maghanap. Pag-usapan natin bakit kaya ganun?" (I find myself getting attracted to other people. Let's talk about it)
Huwag (Don't say): "Puro na lang pamilya mo ang una paano na tayong 2?" (How come it's always your family first before us?)
Dapat (Should say): " Nakikita ko sa ating dalawa na iba na tayong makitungo sa isa't isa." (I notice we are indifferent to each other, what's happening to us?)
Huwag (Don't say): "Sabihin mo lang sa akin kung ayaw mo na." (Just tell me you want out of this relationship)
Dapat (Should say): "Parang ayaw ko na, gusto kong intindihin paano nagkaganito." (I'd like to understand why I feel I want out of this relationship)
Some falter and mistake attraction for love. We cry, realize, accept our weakness and then stand up to love again. Yes we err, we are human after all.
Surviving long distance love is possible. It is difficult. We may fall hard. But if the heavens have put you together, again or otherwise, we all survive somehow, someway.
I did. So will you.
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